


Dark Star

by servatia83



Series: Ride On [3]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 05:01:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8273860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/servatia83/pseuds/servatia83
Summary: Kalyna is missing. Deacon freaks out. Completely.





	1. And I Won’t Leave You A Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _((The title is the name of a song by Deine Lakaien. To me, this is a veritable Deacon-song (just as_ Traitors _is a Fenris-song). Also this isn’t placed anywhere specific, it’s mostly self-indulgent because I felt a resounding need for both Deacon and drama and decided they go together well.  
>  The illegible bits are – again – Ukrainian. Translation’s at the end of each chapter.  
> Chapter heading is a line from the song _Fight _by Deine Lakaien.))_

Deacon watched Sturges standing hip deep in the river and tinkering with one of the water purifiers. ‘Oi, how’s the water?’ he shouted down.

‘Wet,’ Sturges answered. ‘Where the hell have you been?’

‘Someone’s grumpy. I have been working. You know. Stuff. While Kalyna was humouring Mister Follow-orders-and-shut-off-your-brain.’

Sturges waded out and up, unsmiling. Bad sign. ‘We had an incident a couple of hours ago. One of the settlers from Red Rocket came here, freaking out completely and yelling that Kalyna’ been abducted. Nick’s gone off to catch them. They left that.’

Deacon took a holotape and a piece of old, dirty paper from Sturges. He realised his hands were shaking. ‘Where’d Nick go?’

‘Red Rocket, where else? He took Dogmeat, too.’

‘Good. Do you have anything I can play that with?’

‘No, but I’ll tell you what’s on it because the settler brought Nick her Pip-Boy. Looked at the paper?’

‘No. Hang on.’ He needed no more than a glance. The paper wasn’t at all dirty, it was just made to look like it by four parallel, jagged smudges painted in dirt. He felt his face go cold with fear. ‘Oh God.’

The mechanic halted. ‘That bad?’

‘Worse.’ He swallowed. ‘Keep talking.’

‘Look, Nick will find her.’       

‘Nick’s going to end up dead is what will happen.’ He crumpled the paper, let it fall, and grabbed Sturges by the shoulders. ‘Tell me already what’s on the fucking tape!’ The other man’s eyes went wide. Deacon let go and took a step away. ‘I … I’m so sorry. This isn’t your fault, none of it is.’

‘It’s all right. You won’t waste all the work you had saving me by strangling me now.’

‘Careful. We have the enemy under our very noses here.’

‘Right. There’s nothing really useful on the tape. Just … I know it sounds weird, but Nick says it’s a kettledrum. One beat, then nothing, then another four, a pause and then a bunch more. Nick tried to make sense of it but he failed. He asked me to tell you it’s not Morse so you don’t waste time trying to wriggle meaning out of it that way.’

‘A kettledrum? Now I’m confused as well as scared. Great.’ He swallowed. ‘Thanks, Sturges. And … God, I really am sorry.’

‘Just find her. She’s a fine gem.’

‘Yeah. And I’m the blast furnace she’s dangling over.’ He shook himself. ‘Got to go.’ He didn’t even make it over the bridge. ‘Hang on.’ He spun and ran back into Sanctuary. He wasn’t about to go alone, and he needed serious backup for this.

Ϡ

Nick didn’t like to admit it, but whoever had done this had done it well. There was a trail leading out in the general direction of a junkyard, which made sense. But none of the settlers had seen who had taken Kalyna, except for the one who had come running into Sanctuary. And that one wasn’t someone Nick had ever seen. ‘I’m getting old,’ he informed Dogmeat. ‘I’m prepared to bet the skin on my left hand that it wasn’t a settler that tipped me off. Now let’s find Kalyna, shall we?’ He held out a shirt he had taken from the house she’d made her home. ‘Find her, Dogmeat.’

Dogmeat completely ignored Nick’s order and pointed back towards Sanctuary. He let out a deep, quiet sound before starting to bark in earnest. Alarmed, Nick pulled his gun. ‘Shame you can’t communicate better.’ But at another glance, Dogmeat was communicating: That bark wasn’t angry. For one blissful moment, Nick thought it was all a hoax, that it was Kalyna approaching. Instead, he spotted a super mutant lumbering towards them and a smaller figure trying to keep up. ‘Of all the people you could have asked to come along,’ he muttered.

The pair reached him in a moment. Deacon was flushed and out of breath, leaning forwards with his hands on his knees. Strong was completely unfazed. ‘Bad humans take Kala. Strong smash them.’

‘That’s the essence of your plan Deacon?’

The human stood up straight again. ‘Yes. That’s about it. And you’re going back to Sanctuary.’

‘Now wait for just a moment.’

‘Listen.’ Deacon struggled for enough air to keep talking. ‘Listen, Nick, you can’t go near them. They can’t see you.’

‘Who’s they?’

‘Raiders with the sorry rest of a gang I didn’t wipe out as efficiently as I wanted. You really don’t want to know more than that. But they’re absolute monsters. And if they spot you, you’re dead before you can wonder what happened.’

‘The messenger …’

‘Was a con. Sturges said they wanted me specifically to get on their track. This is a trap and all I can do is barge right in.’

‘What is this about?’

‘Revenge, Nick.’ By now he had recovered himself. ‘From Sturges’s description I think I know who the messenger was. She’s insane and she wants me to suffer. And she hates synths with a fervour.’

‘And she found out about the Railroad? Why take Kalyna then? Why not the leaders?’

‘This isn’t about the Railroad.’ He swallowed. ‘This is about me, believe me. Stay clear, Nick. Leave Dogmeat with me and I’ll run in there with Strong and maybe, just maybe, I can save her.’ He balled his fists. ‘And finally kill whoever has survived our last encounter.’

Ϡ

Deacon had followed the trail leading out of the settlement. Strong was muttering threats, and Dogmeat was sniffing his way out. If this was who Deacon thought it was, she was good. ‘I should have smashed her skull. I shouldn’t have gone and freaked out without a plan but methodically _murdered_ them, one by one.’

‘Smash good,’ Strong answered.

‘Oh yes. You can smash as many skulls as you want. Just not Kalyna’s.’

‘Strong no smash Kala.’

‘I know. Just saying.’

‘Human talk too much.’

Deacon huffed and didn’t point out that Strong wasn’t that far behind him regarding word count. Well. Sentence count. He was too focussed on not losing it completely. He couldn’t, not as long as Kalyna might be alive.

Ϡ

Nick was sure that Deacon had no illusions that he’d stay put. But he would give them a head start. He was worried. For Kalyna as well as for her frightened partner. Nick knew what it felt like to be completely powerless. If someone had asked him, he’d have said that any desperate act from Deacon would be driven by quiet depression. But now the normally cautious man had chosen Strong of all people to come with him, which meant he had no wish to be subtle about this. That might mean he was certain Kalyna was gone. Or it meant he didn’t even think that far and was losing his head. Both didn’t add to Nick’s optimism.

For a moment, the detective contemplated going back to Sanctuary to fetch help himself – Curie would have come to mind. But he didn’t have that sort of time. To follow a trail left behind by a super mutant Nick didn’t need a dog. He would find them all right.

Ϡ

Deacon saw the building that overlooked the junkyard, took in the barred windows, and knew this was it. ‘Listen, Strong,’ he said. ‘We need to be very fast about this. Get in, kill everything, grab Kalyna, and get out. You read me?’

‘Strong smash bad humans.’

‘That’s the essence of it. But … look. I have the feeling that this is going to be weird.’

‘Humans die. Then no longer weird.’

‘True. Yes. But …’

‘Strong knows. Save Kala. Smash rest. Protect Kala.’

‘Yeah. Well. I suppose that’s the only plan we need. On we go.’

Watching Strong tear the place apart was a pleasure in itself. The few people inside were clearly unprepared for the attack. Deacon shot everything that moved except his companion. He shouted for Kalyna but got no answer. He contemplated using their language – actually, it was her language, but he’d learned some of it. It was bloody useful. No-one could read it, no-one understood it. People simply didn’t learn foreign languages anymore, so it gave them a clear advantage in the field. Somehow, however, he couldn’t piece together a single sentence right now.

One of the thugs had managed to get close enough to make a grab for Deacon. He let himself fall, bringing him down with him. He crashed the handle of his gun into the exposed throat. Hard. The thug made a gurgling noise and tried to breathe. Shuddering, Deacon stood and landed a kick against his jaw that snapped his head back. ‘Sleep tight,’ he muttered.

‘Oi, cunt!’ Deacon stopped dead at the shrill voice, and so did Strong. ‘Up here.’ He glanced up to a half-fallen upper floor. ‘We’ve got her. She’s being taken care of by real men now. Not something like you. If you’re even you.’

‘You’ll learn how much I’m me in no time at all,’ Deacon said so quietly he doubted she heard him. He fired. She ducked. And in doing so, she threw something his way. Deacon leaped out of the way, but Strong wasn’t quite quick enough. The explosion unleashed a massive amount of smoke and some fire. He felt something graze his cheek. Strong was shouting fury and apparently making a beeline for the balcony rather than out. What he planned to do from under it was beyond Deacon. He felt a sudden, sharp pain on his head and frantically flung his wig away because it had caught fire. ‘Strong! Get out of here now!’ The super mutant was slamming his fists into the wooden posts holding the remainder of the balcony up. Deacon swore and made his way towards him, coughing. He went by sound alone, the smoke stinging in his eyes. ‘Get out,’ he said again, finding Strong at last with his hands stretched out. ‘We’ll die in here. We’ve got to catch her, come on.’

 

 


	2. Humans Everywhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _((Chapter heading is taken from the song_ Cubert _by System of a Down. I was listening to it on the tram and decided it needs to be in here.))_

Nick heard the explosion and practically saw the building tremble. He upped his pace. By the time he got there, smoke was billowing out from every crack in the wall. Dogmeat came darting out, then Deacon emerged like a god of fire, a sheen about his head against the sunlight, and Strong following behind him, limping. Nick ran the rest of the way. ‘Tell me she isn’t in there,’ he said.

‘No.’ Up close, the man looked horrible. His left cheek was torn, but he didn’t seem to notice. The image of a fire god – or demon – was increased by half an inch of ginger hair he hadn’t been able to shave on whatever job he had been doing for the Railroad. ‘She’s not. Take Strong to Curie, these are my demons.’ He looked up at the large green creature. ‘Get yourself patched up. You did good.’

‘Strong not running like coward.’

Deacon’s shoulders slumped. ‘Have it your way.’

‘This settles it. I’m coming with you. Since when do you leave fire and destruction in your wake?’

Deacon glared at Nick. ‘Since I was little more than a kid. Though this wasn’t my bomb.’ He wiped over his face and stared at his hand that came away bloody. ‘I need to go, Nick. I need to find her.’ He didn’t wait for an answer. There was no time. He heard Strong’s lumbering steps behind him, heard Nick shouting after them, and knew that Nick would be in extreme danger if he followed. Swearing he ground to a halt. ‘You two … Nick, you especially. Go _away_.’

‘Do you think I’m some fragile little insect, Deacon?’

‘I think that … Nick, you’re a synth, and you’re fucking obvious. That might help you in Diamond City, but now it’s a death sentence. You’re the one thing that could get them to shoot someone else before me.’

Nick folded his arms. ‘And that is supposed to stop me.’

‘Yes. I’m planning to survive.’ He swallowed. ‘Look. Both of you. I need to do this quietly. I took a horrible risk here already. Now they’re waiting for me. They could be sitting there with a gun to Kalyna’s head. If they hear me …’

‘Got it. Strong, come on. He needs to do this alone.’

‘Strong help Kala.’

‘Deacon, I’m going to get help. In case this goes south.’

He nodded slowly. ‘You do that. Strong, help Nick. Nick … if this does go south, all you’ll be able to do is take care no-one gets hurt by them again. And to avenge Kalyna.’

‘Make sure it doesn’t come to that.’

Ϡ

Deacon had barely left the hut that was falling into a pile of rubble when he heard her. She was leading him. Any thought of stealth was moot and she had probably heard their exchange. If he failed, they’d run. Nick was probably planning to get the Minutemen. He followed her on a tiring wild goose chase through what felt like half the Commonwealth. Through dead woods and brambles; through deserted settlements where not even ghouls lived; into the fens. He tried leaving a trail for Nick and ended up scrawling railsigns here and there.

‘Kristina!’ Deacon shouted in the middle of the broken remnants of Boston. He was tired, he was starved, he was close to laying down and waiting for death. It wouldn’t take long, predators were everywhere. ‘What’s the plan, huh? You want me dead, just shoot. Let her go. You want me, not her.’ He heard her laughter and saw her shadow darting among the rubble ahead. There was an old shopping mall, broken down and all but inaccessible. Good place, he had to admit. ‘This your hideout? I’m going to bring the whole thing down on you if I must,’ he yelled. ‘Before one of you gets out, I’ll bury us all.’ The worst part was, he was completely prepared to do just that if Kalyna was lost. This … wasn’t a healthy attitude.

The corridors to the side were all blocked, driving Deacon deeper into the heart of the structure. He ended up in what might have been a back office. A large one. The moment he stepped inside, he heard it. One low note on a kettle drum. Four more. Then another ten or some such and a funeral march. ‘What the hell?’ he asked no-one in particular. ‘This your great revenge? You’re playing that bloody requiem at me?’ He thought of the holotape Sturges had handed him. ‘Thanks for holding on to the holotape for me. I kind of liked it.’

With a grin, three men and Kristina came out of cover. Deacon spread his arms. ‘So. Hi. What’s the deal? Where’s Kalyna?’

‘Dying,’ the woman said. ‘Hence the requiem.’

‘Who’re those?’ Deacon asked, gesturing to her companions.

‘My new friends, since you killed my old ones.’

‘What, you’re the only one who survived?’ He grinned. ‘I knew I’d killed most of you, but I didn’t even know I was that thorough. How did you find me?’

‘Because you’re an idiot, Connor. As long as you were invisible, we thought you’re dead. But then you come to the surface, and you spill the beans on your pretty little cunt in a building with breaking down walls. How could you abandon us?’

‘Wait. Let me think.’ Deacon looked to the ceiling. ‘One, murder is wrong, and one of them is enough on my conscience. Two, if it walks like a person and talks like a person … you get my drift. Three, betraying people that would almost beat me to death for leaving sounds like a good idea. Four, betraying people that have it in them to murder my wife, forcing me to watch, and telling me that they’d done me a fucking favour is a goddamn honour.’ He could feel his heart racing, his self-control reaching a very low level. He was hysterical, he knew it, and he couldn’t do a thing against it. ‘Where is Kalyna?’

‘Oh, upstairs. She’s having fun on her own after we had some with her,’ one of the men said.

‘Who’re you?’ Deacon asked him.

‘Tristan.’

‘Hi, Tristan.’ He drew and fired from the hip. A bullet buried itself in Tristan’s gut, leaving him squirming and helpless with agony. ‘Bye, Tristan.’ The others had drawn. Deacon darted to what cover he could find. He heard the whine of ricocheting bullets and shot blindly. A satisfying groan came. Digging in his pocket, he produced a grenade and flung it. The explosion left everything in a deathly silence except for the music that was still playing somewhere, the funeral march long over and replaced by the horribly off-topic cheerfulness of some parts of it.

Deacon got out of cover and held his arms before his mouth as he tried not to inhale too much dust. ‘Kalyna?’ he yelled. Deacon stumbled on for a bit until he found a flight of stairs. He had no idea if Kalyna was really alone. All he knew was that his arrival wasn’t a surprise to begin with, so it mattered little that he revealed himself. Leaving a trail of blood behind him, Deacon made his way through the building. ‘ _Калино, чуєш?_ _Де ти? Відповідай мені!_ ’ Deacon listened hard, but all he heard was the music.

Scared beyond words, he barged through the next door. Behind it was another corridor, this one with four doors leading off it. He heard something from the one on his left. ‘ _Пані_ _й_ _пани_ _,_ _ось_ _ваш_ _бог_ _!_ ‘ he positively screamed. At this point, he wanted to scare them, most of all. He flung the door open and fired at the first sign of movement he was sure was not Kalyna. One bullet found the chest of a woman, the other the leg of a man that promptly dropped his gun so clumsily it was out of reach for him, having crashed to the ground. Deacon fired again. It clicked. ‘Oh,’ Deacon said, unimpressed, and holstered his gun. He seemed to be in a storage room with various tools. ‘I’ll just take a leaf out of Strong’s book then,’ he informed the fallen raider who tried to crawl to his gun. Deacon grabbed a pipe wrench and grinned.

Ϡ

There had been a couple more raiders or whatever they considered themselves to be in the next room Deacon tried. The only reason he was still alive was the damn ballistic weave. He’d still be bruised all over, but bruised was definitely better than dead. He was stepping through the third door when he found her. She was lying on the floor, a man leaning over her. Kalyna saw him, but something was wrong with the way she looked at him. The man didn’t notice. ‘One more, little bird. He’ll only find your corpse.’ He was fingering a syringe of some type and even though Kalyna tried squirming away, he’d have no problem with her it seemed. Deacon stepped up to him and brought the wrench down on his skull hard. He caught him before he could land on Kalyna and knelt beside her, the bloody wrench slipping out of his hands.

‘Whisper? Talk to me.’

‘ _Панове_.’

Deacon blinked. ‘What?’

‘Vocative plural. _Панове_. Ladies and gentlemen is _пані_ _й_ _панове_.’

‘Voc … that’s your … Hell, Whisper. What did they do to you?’

‘Not even _Шепоте_?’ She chuckled, then groaned. ‘They gave me chems. No idea what, but I don’t feel so hot, Deacon.’

‘Nick’s bringing backup. Come on, I’ carry you.’

Kalyna swatted his hands away. ‘You’ve got blood everywhere and your face looks like you tried to kiss a d… a feral. Deacon, are you all right?’

He knew what she’d wanted to say but decided to pretend he hadn’t noticed. ‘It’s not mine. I emptied my gun. Went for a wrench. And the rest’s healing.’

‘No spare bullets?’

Deacon made a face. ‘I had them all right. I … God … I … Don’t ask. We need to get out of here.’

‘Yes. Yes. But I’m going to walk. It’s not that bad. Yet.’ She got to her knees and started fumbling with the dead guy, taking a gun from him before examining his head. ‘Oh boy. You don’t do things halfway, do you?’

‘Nope.’

She giggled and ran a hand over the top of his head. ‘And you’re sprouting ginger fluff.’

Deacon stood and offered a hand, and Kalyna reached up to let him help her stand. ‘Fluff,’ he said indignantly. ‘That is coarse, manly hair growth. Admire it while you can and show some respect, woman.’

‘You could let it grow. I like ginger.’

He ran a hand over his head and found that fluff wasn’t so wrong. Not that he’d ever admit it. ‘I don’t think so,’ he said in the drawn out voice he knew cracked her up every damn time. Now was no different. He was about to reload his pistol when the door flew open.

‘Not so fast,’ a voice barked.

Deacon swore. Or he would have, if the world hadn’t gone dark instantly.

Ϡ

Deacon came to still in the same room. He sat up abruptly and reached for a gun that wasn’t there. ‘Hey, hey, relax, hero.’

Deacon couldn’t have followed that order if he tried. ‘Glory! I’m … oh.’ He’d tried to stand and felt his left leg give under him. ‘Whisper? Is she …’

‘The reason why you’re alive? Yes.’

‘Damn it, Glory! Is she all right?’

‘A right sight better than you.’

‘Where’s she?’

‘Yelling at Carrington. He gave you a couple of stimpacks after he cleaned up her system, so you should be ready to move in a bit. Tom and I started going through the terminals when we were sure everyone was dead. You took them all out, but somehow you still managed to get shot in the shoulder and hit your head and you knee pretty hard. How d’you do that?’

‘I … didn’t check the last room yet. Found Whisper and that guy, knocked him out and … yeah.’

‘Knocked him out, Deacon? You knocked his brain out of his ears if anything. I must say, I’m impressed.’

‘Anyway. We were on our way out, and there he came. And yes, I know that’s stupid and why others have rules against fraternisation.’ He narrowed his eyes, allowing himself to calm down somewhat. ‘Why’s Whisper yelling at Carrington? Can I join?’

‘I did mention the terminals? I read them, you know. Tom cannot keep his stupid mouth shut, so Carrington saw some if it before Dez wiped it all clean. Quite the history there.’

Deacon thought his life falling apart at the seams would make more of an emotional impact. But he felt nothing at the realisation. ‘Well. It was too good to be true.’

‘What?’ Glory glared at him. ‘Oh, no. You’re not getting out that easily. Dez threatened the two to strangle them personally if they let word of your past get out. And I’m with her.’

‘You don’t hate me?’

Glory tutted. ‘You’re an idiot, Deacon. You should have told us. At least those of us who think we’re your friends. But you keep everyone at arm’s length. Does Whisper know, at least?’

‘She knows everything.’

‘Good.’ Glory clapped his shoulder, and he dedicated a few choice swearwords to her. ‘Oh. So sorry.’

Despite himself, Deacon snorted and tried picking himself up again. This time, he succeeded. ‘Yeah. I can see the regret in your smirk.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _((I’m trying to catch all Ukrainian bits.  
>  Калино, чуєш? Де ти? Відповідай мені! /Kalyno, chuyesh? De ty? Vidpoviday meni!/ – Kalyna (vocative), do you hear? Where are you? Answer me?  
> Пані й пани, ось ваш бог! (!) /Pani y pany, osʹ vash boh!/ – Ladies and gentlemen, behold your God! Correct grammar is, as is pointed out, пані й панове /pani y panove/.  
> Шепоте /shepote/ would be the vocative of шепіт /shepit/, which means whisper. And then people say that the vocative of inanimate nouns doesn’t matter. Hah!))_


	3. See the Walls of Dawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _((Another line taken from Deine Lakaien, specifically the song Into My Arms.))_

What felt like an eternity later, they left. Nick, Kalyna, and Deacon for Sanctuary, the rest for the Railroad HQ. All Deacon managed was to trudge behind the other two, ignoring Kalyna’s worried glances and wondering what would happen next.

In Sanctuary, Deacon had withdrawn himself into one of the houses close to the river. Failing to find sleep, he sat outside and watched the water, the peaceful image belying the deadly radiation.

He felt her presence even before he saw her shadow at his side. Wordlessly, Kalyna sat next to him and leaned into him. ‘You okay, Deacon?’

He wondered when he’d lost his ability to lie to her. Not too long ago, he’d have shrugged her off, grinned and pretended that all was well while he died inside. But now … ‘No. I’m not.’

‘Did you have that burn treated?’ she asked, her fingers touching his skull near where he’d been singed but far enough away to be sure she wasn’t hurting him. ‘And the cut in your cheek?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Do you want to be alone?’

A small smile tugged at his lips. ‘No. And don’t you dare ask me why I crept off here then.’

‘Want to talk or just sit here?’

With a sigh, Deacon put an arm around her and tugged her closer. ‘I … don’t know.’ He found that maybe he did want to talk. ‘Kristina heard us in the Rexford. Apparently since then she’s been planning this stunt.’ He ran a hand over his face. ‘What’s worse is … I’ve been reckless. This face, it’s not identical to the original design but similar. This is more or less what I’d look like now if I’d never put myself under the knife.’ Deacon felt Kalyna’s eyes on him even though he was observing the ground in front of him. ‘No idea what bit me, but I should have known better. Now it doesn’t matter. The last one of them’s dead. They’re dead and more people than I like know what I was. I’ve feared this so damn much. Now Glory and Dez don’t give a shit and Tom seems impressed, if anything.’

‘Strong is impressed too. He said something like _Deacon smash good_. You ran out of a magazine in the hut, too?’

‘No. Fellow got close, _Шепоте_.’

‘What?’

‘You asked me why I’m not calling you that. Right after you criticised my grammar.’

‘I did not.’

‘Did, too.’

‘Well, you probably said something horrible.’

‘Tsk. I just forgot about a ridiculous exception in the heat of battle.’

‘Grammar is important. Why didn’t you just yell in English?’

‘I thought maybe if they believe I’m some sort of foreigner they’ll get scared.’

‘Hell, I’d have been scared if I didn’t know you. You looked like a demon.’

Deacon froze with shock. ‘Are you? Scared of me?’ He looked back at the river. ‘I … I thought I’d changed. But after what happened, I’m not so sure. I was so … so angry, and so … I don’t even have a word for it, _Шепоте_. All I wanted to do was to bring death and destruction. That’s … not a motivator I care about. I don’t want to be like that.’

‘Deacon.’ He kept his gaze fixed on the water. ‘I am not, never have been, and never will be frightened of you. I heard your voice, the burning rage in it, and I knew I was going to be fine. Deacon. _Дияконе_ _._ _Дивись на мене._ ’

With an effort, Deacon looked at her, finding only love in her expression. ‘I’m not sure if I’m fond of that moniker.’

‘Ah. Well. Totally in your hands.’

‘Oh that’s how we’re playing that game. All right, I’ll stick to Whisper.’ He licked his lips. ‘Look, I need to ask you something and I don’t know how to do it gently, so I’ll just shoot. Did they rape you?’

She gave him a lingering look. ‘What gave you that idea?’

‘They implied it.’

‘Does it make a difference?’

‘To me? No, and you should know that. But to you it would.’

Kalyna smiled and plucked the shades from his face as if he didn’t need them to hide behind, as if he was worthy of being on the receiving end of that smile of hers. She hooked them into her shirt. ‘They gave me a beating out of hell and drugged me. They didn’t intend to let me go. But that’s all they did. Not that that isn’t sufficient.’

He felt his tension melting at the fact that she was alive and there and mostly unscathed despite his foolishness. ‘Yeah. The chems. I suppose that’s why they led me on a false trail to the hut. To give the chems more time to do their work on you.’ He frowned. ‘You sure you’re all right? No nausea, vertigo, weird itching?’

She shook her head. ‘You may not like Carrington, but he knows what he’s doing.’

‘You’re right. I’m just … still a bit scared, I guess.’ Deacon tilted her head up and kissed her, sweetly at first, then with growing fire. Her hands went under his shirt and up to his chest, thumbs brushing over his nipples before pulling it off completely. He kept a reasonable distance between them with an effort. ‘Okay. It’s dark, but not that dark. Take this inside?’

Without an answer, she grabbed his hand and led him to their house. Just when it had turned from _hers_ to _theirs_ he wasn’t sure, but after a certain night in the Rexford he’d gradually moved from the place he used to crash in to her. Danse had muttered something about distractions once, but Deacon had a feeling that his concern was a lot more personal.

Once they were inside, all thoughts were chased away when Kalyna pushed him onto their bed. They made short work of their clothes. Deacon felt a desperation to be near her, and if the way she looked at him was any indication, the same was true for her. He pulled her close, needing to feel as much of her as he could. ‘God, I could have lost you,’ he muttered against her skin.

She moved away enough to look at him. ‘You didn’t.’ Kalyna kissed him again, one leg sliding over him, trapping his hard dick between them. ‘I’m right here, you see. My beautiful Deacon.’

His hands dug into her hips, holding her tightly. His shoulder still ached, but he didn’t care, all that mattered was being close to her. ‘I want you,’ he managed. ‘I need to be inside you, Whisper.’

She smiled, love and lust turning her cheeks red, and reached down to position him. She was already so wet when he slid in that he wondered if she’d planned to sleep with him when she’d gone to find him. Not that it mattered. Nothing mattered except her soft sighs, her scent, the warmth of her body. Deacon forced himself to pull away.

‘You’re cruel,’ she said, her smile telling a different story altogether.

Deacon looked her over. ‘This is too rushed,’ he said quietly, pushing her on her back and crouching above her. ‘I’m not just going to fuck you like it’s nothing.’ He leaned down, brushing his lips over hers. ‘Because the truth is, it means everything.’ He kissed her deeply, one hand holding his precarious position over her, one cupping her face. ‘ _You_ mean everything. I was so, so scared. That it was happening all over again, and I would lose everything.’ He kept staring at her, at her slightly open mouth, her warm eyes that even now were more gentle than wanton. ‘It would have destroyed me. It was so hard to let go of all my fears, my anger, my self-deprecation. And now I’m so vulnerable when it comes to you. I can’t lose you. And somehow, no thanks to me, you’re alive. I love you so much, Whisper.’ He saw that she wanted to answer and placed a finger on her lips. ‘Don’t. Don’t tell me I did nothing wrong because we both know it’s not true.’

She plucked his hand away. ‘Very well. You lost it. You came like a gale rather than the rustle you normally are. But you came for me, and you saved me.’ Her hands travelled up and down his chest, her eyes burning into his. ‘And I helped you in turn. It’s what couples do. They look out for each other. And you did it right, because slow and cautious would have killed me.’

Deacon had a thousand things he’d need to say eventually, but now wasn’t the time. Instead, he started kissing his way down from her lips to her collarbone and her breasts. He sucked on each nipple until they were hard and pink. He was aching with need but ignored it. She was squirming under his ministrations, her hands on his head, not quite guiding but certainly encouraging.

Deacon nudged her legs apart and knelt between them. He placed his hands on her breasts and bent down to leave a trail of kisses from her navel to her sex. She sighed when he reached it, kissing her there. He let his tongue slip between her folds, drawing a soft moan. Kalyna grabbed one of his hands, intertwining their fingers, and squeezed gently. Her other hand caressed the top of his head, making sure to avoid the injury, however insignificant it was. Her hips were undulating underneath him, and Deacon moved with her, sucking her outer lips into his mouth one after the other, before he slid two fingers of his free hand into her. She moaned and bucked her hips, moving against his hand. He let the tip of his tongue dance over her clit, the firm little nub enlarged from her arousal. Her breathing was fast, her grip on his hand getting stronger. Again, he pulled away before she could get too close.

He was achingly hard himself, leaking precum onto the sheets. Kalyna grabbed his hips and pulled him down. Deacon obliged. A bit. He let the tip of his cock slip in and withdrew again.

Kalyna made an almost pained sound. He didn’t feel remotely bad. ‘Deacon,’ she said, voice husky and low, ‘what did I say about slow and cautious killing me?’

Deacon chuckled and saw the laughter in her own eyes reflected back at him. ‘Oh. Now there’s a serious threat.’ He gave her a moment to prepare for what she knew was coming before pushing into her with one quick thrust. The moment he was inside her, her legs wrapped around him.

‘Got you. You’re not going anywhere.’

‘Ah. Well, a little space to move might be helpful, though?’

‘You think?’ She relented enough to let him manoeuvre and hooked her legs behind his instead.

‘You okay?’ he asked.

‘Feels so good, Deacon.’ She pulled him down to her for a kiss while he made love to her, sliding in and out of her wet opening. Only when the slow friction threatened to kill him, Deacon withdrew himself from her. Before she could protest, Deacon had flipped her over, straddling her. He entered her again, eliciting a shout he was sure could be heard on the other end of Sanctuary. He didn’t give a damn. He wrapped his whole body around her as if he wanted to melt into her completely, burying himself in her with wet sounds that turned him on even more. Her head was turned to the side, and he pressed his cheek against hers.

‘Hmm, so close,’ she managed.

Deacon had no answer, all he could do was move with her, matching his rhythm to her motions under him. He felt her pressing her legs tighter together and contemplated giving himself better leverage for a moment, but the thought to sacrifice the chance to smell her hair and to feel all of her body for a little bit of depth was unbearable.

Kalyna didn’t seem to mind. Her sighs had turned into gasps, her hips pushing up against him hard and fast. Deacon placed two fingers against her lips and she sucked them into her mouth, nibbling a bit before she released them. He slipped the hand under her and rubbed her clit with his moistened fingers. His name burst from her lips as she contracted around him. He pressed his face into her neck and let out an abandoned moan as he came inside her. He remained like this for a bit before he slipped out and lay down beside her.

Kalyna turned around in his arms and cuddled close to him, fingertips ghosting over his sweaty skin. ‘I was scared, too,’ she said softly when she’d caught her breath enough. ‘But only until I heard you calling.’ She smiled. ‘They told me about you, you know. I acted like I was shocked, wanted to buy time. Maybe that’s one reason I’m still alive.’

Deacon held her silently, trying not to imagine finding her murdered or dying. He failed horribly and felt himself shiver. ‘You’re alive because they wanted me to watch you die, not to find you dead. And if you’d died hating me, that would’ve been a bonus.’ He bit his lower lip. ‘I took too many too stupid risks. Lost my head.’

‘Aside from that burn, it looks like you still have it.’ She squinted at him. ‘How _did_ you get that?’

‘Fire,’ he said simply.

‘No shit. Deacon. You saved my life. I’m not going to question your method.’

‘Nick questioned it from the word go. I could have fucked this up on so many levels, I …’

She brushed her lips over his. ‘Shut up,’ she whispered. ‘You saved me, Deacon. With no attention to your own safety, I might add. And just so you know, if you do that again and bite the dust because you’re so convinced that you don’t matter, I’m going to haunt you.’

Deacon laughed softly. ‘Wouldn’t I be haunting you, since I’d be the dead one?’

‘I’d find a way. I’m sure this goes both ways somehow.’ She looked at him as if he were a miracle. ‘It’s just … When that son of a bitch shot you I honestly thought he’d killed you. I can’t even tell you how that felt.’

Deacon caressed her back, trying to give them both comfort. ‘Nope. Still not dead.’ He closed his eyes. ‘Whisper? I can’t stay awake a minute longer. You’re too cosy.’ He fell silent for a moment. ‘When I’ve recharged, you can worship me a bit. That’s good for the self-esteem, they say.’

She snorted. ‘I’ll build you a Deacon-totem.’

‘That … is sooo not what I meant. And you know it. You’re evil.’

‘You’re fluffy. And ginger. Hey, I’ll build a fluffy ginger Deacon-totem.’

‘That’s … you’re …’ Deacon laughed. ‘I’m not talking to you anymore. Good night.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _((One more here:  
>  Дивись на мене. /dyvysʹ na mene/ – Look at me. Дияконе /Dyyakone/ is the translation of Deacon – in the vocative. He might not be too fond of that because in my canon it’s not meant as a title but a contraction of his real name.  
> Oh, and that thing I was referencing with the kettledrums? My other Deacon-music, Gossec’s requiem. Deacon’s an old nerd, so yeah.))_


End file.
